Before I proceed on with my post, I would like the readers to familiarize with the kinda style to how I write my post. Usually, I would start with sharing about spiritual things; what God has recently done in my life and my thoughts. Next, I would share a little of my private life , my feelings and thoughts. Lastly, it would be some random stuffs like the songs I have been hooked on to lately. So that's about all. Enjoy and pray before you continue to read from here. God bless... =D
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Forgiveness is s promise, not a feeling..

In the book "When God Weeps", Steven Estes and Joni Eareckson Tacla give the following account of Christ's death. As you read, refuse to let the scene be familiar. Let its really shock you and break your heart.

The face that Moses had begged to see -was forbidden to see -was slapped bloody [Exodus 33:19-20]. The thorns that God had sent to curse the earth's rebellion now twisted around his own brow...
"On your back with you!" One rises a mallet to sink in the spike. But the soldier's heart must continue pumping as he readies the prisoner's wrist. Someone must sustain the soldier's life minute by minute, for no man has this power on his own. Who supplies breath to his lungs? Who gives energy to his cell? Who holds his molecules together? Only by the Son do "all things hold together" [Colossians 1:17]. The victim wills that the soldier live on -he grants the warriors continued existence. The man swings.
As the man swings, the Son recalls how he and the Father first designed the medial nerve of the human forearm -the sensations it would be capable of. The design proves flawless -the nerves perform exquisitely. "Up you go!" They lift the cross. God is on display in his underwear and can scarcely breathe.
But these pains are a mere warm-up to his other and growing dread. He begins to feel a foreign sensation. Somewhere during this day an unearthly foul odor began to waft, not around his nose, but his heart. He feels dirty. Human wickedness starts to crawl upon his spotless being -the living excrement from our souls. The apple of his Father's eye turns brown with rot.
His Father! He must face his Father like that!
From heaven the Father now rouses himself like a lion disturbed, shakes his mane, and roars against the shriveling remnant of a man hanging on a cross. Never has the Son seen the Father look at him so, never felt even the least of his hot breath. But the roar shakes the unseen world and darkens the visible sky. The Son does not recognize these eyes.
"Son of Man! Why have you behaved so? You have cheated, lusted, stolen, gossiped -murdered, envied, hated, lied. You have cursed, robbed, overspent, overeaten -fornicated, disobeyed, embezzled and blasphemed. Oh, the duties you have shirked, the children you have abandoned! Who has ever so ignored the poor, so played the coward, so belittled my name? Have you ever held your razor tongue? what a self-righteous, pitiful drunk -you, who molest young boys, peddle killer drugs, travel in cliques, and mock your parents. Who gave you the boldness to rig elections, foment revolutions, torture animals, and worship demons? Does the list never end! Splitting families, raping virgins, acting exhortation, filming pornography, accepting bribes. You founded false religions, traded in slaves -relishing each morsel and bragging about it all. I hate, loathe these things in you! Disgust for everything about you consumes me! Can you not fell my wrath?
Of course the Son is innocent. He is blamelessness itself. The Father knows this. But the divine pair have an agreement, and the unthinkable must now take place. Jesus will be treated as if personally responsible for every sin ever committed."
The Father watches as his heart's treasure, the mirror-image of himself, sinks drowning into raw, liquid sin. Jehovah's stored rage against humankind from every century explodes in a single direction.
"Father! Father! Why have you forsaken me?!"
But heaven stops its ears, The son stares up at the One who cannot, who will not, reach down or reply.
The trinity had planned it. The Son endured it. The Spirit enabled him. The Father rejected the Son whom he loved. Jesus, the God-man from Nazareth, perished. The Father accepted his sacrifice for sin and was satisfied. The Rescue was accomplished.

The Rescue accomplished here was for you. John Stott writes, "Before we can begin to see the cross as something done for us [leading us to faith and worship', we have to see it as something done by us [leading us to repentance]. As we face the cross, then, we can say to ourselves both "I did it: my sins sent Him there," and "He did it; His love took Him there."
Did you see your own offenses on the list of sins that necessitated the Cross? If not, name them yourself, Name your darkest sin. Now reflect on the fact that Christ bore the punishment for that sin. He took the punishment you deserved, Do you fell His passionate and specific love for you? He died for you. He was condemned and cursed so that you can go free -He was forsaken by God so that you would never be forsaken [Hebrews 13:5].

Easter is coming soon. The day when millions of people will gather together to worship and give thanks to Jesus for His sacrifice. And is because of that act -Jesus died on the cross, that saved millions and millions of lives.
Why am I writing all these, is to prepared everyone for the coming Easter.
For those believers out there, we are still human -we still sin against God. However, the great news is that we can always come to our Father with a heart of repentance and, He will always be happy to welcome us back to His arms. Why did I not write that He will forgive us? The reason is, our Father had done it two thousands year ago. Moreover, in the bible He said that, He remembers our sin no more.. Because of the Cross, you can be absolutely sure of God's love for you and His complete forgiveness of your sins. Thus, do not condemn yourself or others and despise people who have sinned.

Jesus died on the cross not only for you and me, but for everyone in this world.. And we are all equal, be it murderer or not, thief or not, liar or not, we are equal in a way that we have done the most, ultimate cruel sin on earth, that is to send Jesus Christ onto the cross.. We are all responsible for the death of the only innocent who ever lived. The very sin of pride that caused you to love people is what killed Christ as well. We carry his very nails in our pockets. Hence, never condemn those who you think their sin are much more filthy than yours. We are all the same. yet different in who wants to draw near to Him.

So prepare yourself for that BIG day! =D
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you are my Robin Heiden.. (:

The very first impression he left me was that he is a stiff guy who does not smile.. I remember I was late and when I went up to him and asked, "Are you _____?", he replied "yea" in a cold way.. Initially, I thought he was angry with me [later he told me he was not], and that kinda put me off.. Thank God things started to get better when I got to know him more.. Till now, he is still as rigid as ever, but he is indeed charming in his own ways.. Oh yes, he is fierce and very particular about many things.. Beside him, he is the next guy who scolded me the most [as in when I do something which displeased him] in my life.. Yet one thing about him is that he is a very forgiving person.. There were many times when I did things which caused him to be very angry and he would reprimand me [as usual].. And due to my stubborn character and want-to-win-and-not-lose attitude, we always ended up quarreling.. Yet, he always forgives which caused me to feel guilty all the time.. Well, that's one thing I like about his character..

Thank God for him though.. He taught me to endure when it comes to egoistic people.. When you are in a midst of quarreling with them, do not bother to tell them how you feel or ask the famous question, "Do you care about my feelings or not?" You are just getting yourself into a deeper shit [very true, trust me].. Think logically, if they really care, they will not even get angry with you in the first place.. Hence, next time just keep your mouth shut and endure [it saves you a lot of heartaches and tears].. And thank God he is a lenient person..

One thing I realised is that there are always a hand-full of guys who revolve around my life, everyday.. Like what Nat told me before, "different season, different guy." Haha.. When I heard of that, I was laughing real hard inside.. It is true for me too.. I have much more guy-friends than gal-friends.. Well, please do not say I'm a flirt, I just get along with people well.. So right now, I'm wondering when the season will change and which guy God has planned to bring into my life.. I wonder.. Haha..
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Oh, have I ever tell you guys that the most romantic songs are korean love songs? Gosh.. I am so in love with their songs.. They just make you want to be in love..
This is one of the songs I like most... Awwww..... Tell me you love me~

PS: I Love You

Before you continue to read my post from here.. I would first like you to know that everything I wrote is based on reality and of my true feelings.. Same goes to every posts that have been and will be published in this blog.. You may feel a little uncomfortable or whatsoever after reading my post, hence I would like to advice that next time before you even click on my URL, say a little prayer that the spirit of peace and understanding will fill your heart and mind.. It helpes, God bless..

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Let the Cross draws man to You..

"Oh, how many times have I broken Your heart? Still You forgive....."

As the song continued to play, the presence of God fall stronger in my room.. And you would know when the Holy Spirit touch your heart -its when you start tearing..
I went on my knee and this time round, I really cried out to God.. I was in so much of agony, aggravation and resentment that I could no longer put up the strong front.. I felt so weak in His presence..

One thing which really amazed me about Jesus is, He wants me to know that He really loves me..
At times when I look back at my life, recalled all the things that I had done which were not pleasing to Him, yet He still forgives.. When times I felt my life was miserable and dreadful, He came and gave me hopes.. As a result of Him, I became stronger and loves Him even more.. However, we are all humans and we do make mistakes.. For that includes me..

Honestly these past weeks had been tough for me.. Although I might have the everything-is-alright-because- there-is-still-chocolates-in-this-world-for-me-to-eat expression on my face, there was a battle in my heart -a battle between faith and fear.. Yes, I felt like giving up, throwing the white flag at Jesus and say, "I want to quit! I have sinned.. So forget about me.." Nonetheless, He is good.. That moment when I went on my knees and cried out to Jesus, I heard Him said, "Don't let Me go.. Let Me be there with you to go through everything with you.." My heart suddenly sank, but I felt so, so loved..
Talking about this, I realised that Jesus knows how to love me the best.. What do I mean? Well, I can say that He is indeed the best lover anyone can ever ask for.. In the world, mostly all gals fall for guy's sweet flattering.. Yet how many knows that nothing can be compared to His unconditional love, amen?!
He knows how to make me feel weak, softened and just go ga-ga over Him.. Overall, Jesus is a romantic guy..

Hence, for Him I told myself that I have to continue.. No matter how tough the going may get, to Him I can always cling on.. Even if the whole world turn against me, I know that I know, He will never leave me nor forsake me..

Every time when you feel condemned, when you feel that everyone is against you, when you feel like forsaking everyone including yourself.. Turn to the Cross and tell yourself, "Because of that one Man, I can never feel unworthy anymore.."

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[[转身的时候]]
赖雅妍



Well, obviously this is a contemporary song, my favourite too.. I remember before the plane took off from Jakarta airport, I was hearing this song and my mind was full of him.. I really did not bear to leave.. So the moment the plane started to accelerate and finally take off, I cried like as if I will never ever see him again.. It was quite dumb though -everyone was looking at me..

I'm glad that most probably [80%] I will be going back soon.. Not because I can't wait to see him -all I want now is rest, a break from everything.. I'm not feeling spiritually dry, just maybe is my heart and my mind.. For someone like me, don't tell me not to be emotional or let anything or anyone to affect me.. If it easier to say than to be done.. I'll be most glad for you to say some more.. I love to travel, so please do not stop me..

So, this time round, I will be a good gal and try not to pester him to go shopping with me everyday.. It will be that or he is coming in April.. I can't wait!!



If I say I don't love you anymore.. I don't think I'm lying..
I can destroy the relationship between us anytime, anywhere ..
But I know, my heart will break again..




I remember I drew this somewhere last year.. I would never forget that day..














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[[PS: I Love You]]
Aurthor" Cecelia Ahern



Ahhh... I can't wait for this movie to be shown in Singapore.. I love the book and I know I am gonna enjoy the movie very much.. It is a extrememly touching story, thus it was the first book which I ended crying after reading each chapters.. And I am so going to buy her other books and read.. =D

you're my God-sent angel, and you'll always be mine..

Since today is special day, I shall blog some of my views about the people around me and a little about my private life..

Valentine’s day is coming.. Not to spoil any one's mood here, but I just want to point out my views..
To start off, I just want to comment about what do people, to be specific, young Christians really think about the terms, "build our relationship upon on God." Do they even have any idea what is the meaning of that phrase?
First of all, are they so sure that the other partner is the ideal one from God? Have they even pray and ask God about it? Do the people like their parents, Christian friends and leaders around them, approve of their relationship? Do they have a good communication with one another? And most importantly, is God placed squarely in the middle of their love lives? If all the answers are no, then how on earth are the couples going to "build their relationships upon God.." Sounds ironic huh?

Well in relationships, beside loving each other, the next thing the couples must do is to honour God.. Relationships are blessed by patience, purpose and a clear grasp of reality..
Today I see many Christians are disillusioned with the way romantic relationships are handled.. Everyone including me, desperately wants something better.. Yet we should always pursue an intimate relationship with the opposite sex based on scriptural values and a radically God-centered view..
I believe that getting our romantic relationships right as Christians means seeing God's glory as the ultimate purpose of any relationship.. Christian couples glorify God in their relationships when they put their needs aside and base their decisions on what serves the interest of the other person.. It is an expression of sincere love and the defining mark of a Christian relationship..
To add on, a couple committed to God's glory places their ultimate hope in God, not in each other.. Before two people can please God as a couple, they must first be individuals who want God more than anything else and who know that only He can satisfy their deepest longings of their souls..
What I am seeing now is that Christians couples are misusing the terms, "building our relationship upon God.." If God is not the middle man of any intimate relationship, I believe that that relationship is only driven by emotions and own desires.. Many couples think that obedience to the Word of God can be based on feelings.. However, its just not true.. People on a God-glorifying relationship want God's will more than anything else and follow the commands of the Bible no matter what the cost..

Seek first the Kingdom of God, and He shall provide you with all your needs.. Honour Him, and He will honour you.. I believe God answers prayer because He has never stop answering my prayers.. (:

Relationship between wisdom and romance is like the one between a string and a kite. Romantic love is the kite that catches the wind and tenaciously heads for the sky: wisdom is the string that tugs downward holding it back..

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Today is my first year water baptism anniversary.. Looking back, I've never regret making the decision to ask my parents' permission to get water baptised.. Initially, my parents were not very supportive of me doing so.. Yet they could see how keen I was to get myself baptised, so praise God, they finally allowed..
And I know after that day, my life had changed.. The moment I came out from the water, I sensed the Holy Spirit saying, "you are now a new man and the old man has died.." Oh heaven.. The feeling of going into the water and coming out was totally different.. Its awesome!
And guess what.. Since long time ago, I wish that one day I will be able to get water baptised in River Jordan, just like Jesus did.. Imagine the heaven really splits open when you come out from the River, and God calls out to you saying, "you are my beloved son/daughter.." Oh heaven, I reckon it will be the best day ever I live on this earth.. Amen?!

Well, beside being my special day, I just want to thank God for someone wonderfully created, 24 years ago into this world.. As a result of him, my life has became more colourful and filled with laughter every single day..
Indeed, God always answer my prayers.. However, never have I imagine He would send someone like him into my life -someone like my cousin, Indrawan.. (:
I still remember the first time I met him, oh gosh.. I thought he was some kinda toot-toot guy who is timid and anti-social.. And during our trip at Bandong, I even tried to hide away from him.. The things is, he turned out to be a very friendly, sociable and humorous person.. And since my Daddy is a joker, He brought Indra and I together after we hanged out once at Mega Mall.. I got to know more about him and I did not realise that I was starting to like him -as a cousin, of course.. Hence after that day, we went out together everyday and he would drive me around in his motorbike.. I reckon the best and unforgettable times were I went to his house to stay over, twice.. We chat through out the nights and it was the first time I opened up and shared about my life to one of my kins.. Ever since then, our kinship has became very strong..
Honestly speaking, he is the only guy I treasure and dote the most in this world.. Not because he is my cousin, his look, how understanding he is or how close we are.. Simply, I know that he is God-sent "angel" into my life and thus I want to cherish him..

Personally, I am certain that I'm quite independent and strong emotionally.. I've learn not to rely on people much or cry in front of people unnecessarily.. Just that, I only rely on those who share very close relationship/friendship with me.. They are the ones who I will turn to when my world seems so dark and hopeless.. They are the ones who allow me to cry and just be weak.. And then they will give encouragements and strength for me to stand up again.. And Indra, is one of them..
His voice and sense of humor have never and I mean never, fail to make me laugh and put aside all the my anxieties.. With him, I've became a much cheerful person, inside out.. He has taught me that this world can actually be a beautiful place to live in..


Dear Korkor,
Hari ini adalah hari spesialmu, dan ada sesuatu yang ingin aku katakan. Terima kasih untuk semua yang telah kamu lakukan untuk-ku. Aku senang sekali bisa kenal denganmu. Kamu selalu berada disisiku ketika aku membutuhkanmu. Jadi aku cuma mau minta maaf, tiap kali aku bikin kamu marah. Selain menjadi kokoku, kamu telah memjadi teman baikku. Terima kasih untuk segala kasih sayangmu.
Happy birthday korkor.. (: ]

With love,

Shavonne (:

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[[專屬天使]]
Tank


I want to dedicate this song to Indra, my angel.. (:

You heard my cry, oh Lord..

Who loves me more than He does? No one..
Who understands me more than He does? No one..
Who is willing to die for me more than He does? No one..
And who is more ready to walk with Him for the rest of her life? That is me..

As some people may know, I work like a supervisor of the kids at my work place.. Hence, I get to interact with children a lot and of course, their parents..
Beside learning how to communicate with children better, knowing their character, somehow God has showed something He longs for me to do it, all the time..

Each time when I saw a kid fall, I noticed the first thing she would do beside weeping, was to run straight to her parent and cried out, "Daddy, Daddy.. I fell down and its painful.." And her father would just hug her and say, "Its alright, darling.. I'm here.. The pain will go away.." Every time when I see this scenario, my heart just cries out for God more..
Imagine the kid can just run into her father's embrace as and when she likes, knowing her father will always be there.. Knowing she can find love, comfort and security from him.. Knowing that he, is her faithful father.. And by some means, I know God is trying to tell me that I can do the same thing, to Him too..

To Him, I'm His child, His beloved child.. I have the right to show my weaknesses in front of Him, to cry, to vent my anger, and He will still stay by my side.. No matter what happens, He will still protect me..
But why? I do not know.. What I know is that He loves me so much that He is willing to sacrifice His only Son on the cross for me..

There is one thing I want to share with everyone who is reading my post now.. This thing may not feel anything to you, yet for me, it means a lot..
"Shavonne" is my Christian name which I gave for myself after my baptizum, last year.. And I am already very used to people calling me by that name.. However I realised that God never call me by that name.. Instead, He calls me by my real name, "Li Fang".. I do not know why, but each time when I hear Him calling me, "Li Fang, Li Fang..", I feel so close to Him, so loved.. I know, I am created just like "Li Fang" and He loves me just as I am..

"you are not a mistake.. you were born for a reason.. And the reason is to experience My unconditional love for you.." This what I heard from Him when once, I wanted to leave this world..

With love,
Shavonne. (:
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[[All for love]]
Hillsongs.



I was sitting down on a chair while the CD player played this song.. And suddenly I began to tear as I heard the sentence, "Oh how many times have I broken Your heart, but still You forgive.."
How wonderful is my Daddy, right?
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[[Your love]]
Written by Shavonne.

Verse 1:

When times seem so difficult to move on,
You came and gave me a little push..
When times I fell so deep,
You came and lifted me up high..

Brigde:

Who am I to deserve all these?
Yet You came and set me free..

Chorus:

You give all Your love,
Without any questions,
Without any demands in return..
For all Your love,
Many nations cried out,
For all Your love,
My sin and shame is taken away..
You are everything that I need..

Verse 2:

When times I turn my back against You,
You stay and wait for my return..
When times my desires seem to gain control,
You remain faithful and forever being so merciful..

Ending:

I am captivated by Your love,
Surrounding me in Your embrace..
What I long for,
Is You..

Time to do something extraordinary for God..

On Sunday, 4 February, 2007, I've made a decision that I really want to take up this challenge and let God take me to whole new levels of spiritual maturity, discipline and communication..
The fact is, it will NOT be easy..

First of all, making of this decision is not completed without rivers of tears, tons of falling and standing ups, prayers.. And most importantly, knowing that I have to lay down my life for God and His people which means to obey and sacrifice..
Ever since I became a CHC member, I always dream that I can become a CG helper.. Remember what I said, "I always dream that I can.".. Yes, it has been one year since I joined the church, but it is only until recently, God showed me that I was always being emotion-driven..
There would be times that I would say, "Yes God, I want to become a CG helper.. I want to do something for the CG.. I want to be a spirit-filled and anointed helper.." Yet, when my spirit ran dry, I would just allow the fire of becoming a CG helper in me, to distinguish.. Hence, it became like a routine for me.. And mind you, routines are mundane..

However, praise be to God that He brought people into my life to help me.. Now, I finally understood what is emotion-driven and conviction-driven..
I do not want to be controlled by my emotions.. When my emotions are high, I will be so on fire.. And when they are not, I will go back to my old ways.. Seriously, it makes me feel sick at times..
After what I have learnt from the teachings and sharing just beginning of this year, I decided to make everything I do, be a conviction..

You will succeed in everything you do when you do it out of passion..

Likewise for my dream, to be a worship leader.. Although I have not join choir ministry, singing has always been my greatest passion, followed by dance.. Thus, I want to make it a conviction that I want to be a choir member and to really shine in my ministry.. And I know, God is working on it now..

Once I heard a great preacher said this, "If you want to achieve something bigger, your sacrifice has ought to be bigger.." Yea, it is true.. For example you want to be a world-class dancer, the time, energy and even your social life has to be sacrificed.. Isn't this something most typical people will not want to do? They dream big, but they do not want to do anything about it.. What is the result? Nothing -there is no even a start..

If you want to be someone extraordinary, your sacrifice has to extraordinary too..

Thus, right now I am training myself to let go of things which I fear to lose.. There is no point holding on to it, if it hinders your walk with God, your dream and purpose in life.. Remember, if you give God all your desires and seek first the Kingdom of God, He will bless you more than you can imagine..

I have a dream to chase, a purpose to live.. I will not allow anything or anyone to put me down, to rob me away from finishing my race.. I want to win my prize..

Love,
Shavonne. (:
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[[Now is the time]]
Delirious?



My all time favourite praise song.. =D

[[I will run my race and win my prize..]]


I will make sure yesterday would be the last day ever in my life, crying out to God saying, "Father, I'm sorry.. I can't make it.. I want to give up.."

Seriously to me, it is very daunting to see something beautiful can turned out to be so ugly.. Something, like a friendship..
Who was at fault anyway? I believe its both parties.. Yet because of pride and ignorance, both denied each other.. What was the result? Anger and no forgiveness..
One has chose to forgive, forget and move on.. On the other hand, one chose to stay in the past heartaches, being condemning, not willing to forgive and let go..
Why? Why allow the devil to come and destroy this friendship?
Nevertheless, I will continue to pray..

There is no need to lie, the fact is, our walk with God is never smooth-sailing.. And that is what makes it so adventurous and fun..
Why? Well, don't you find if everything is serene, cool and easy to get, why does God want us to have faith? Why almost all the pastors in this world always preach on faith? The reason is, we live in a broken down world, tragedies to happen even to good people.. There will be times when we Christians feel so weak or struggle for breakthroughs during our walk.. Nevertheless remember, all these happen to make us stronger..

Like what happened yesterday night.. Yes, I almost gave up.. Gave up on myself especially my dreams.. Dreams that I have been fighting so hard for..
Somehow after yesterday incident, I look back at this period of time.. What is God trying to get across to me about myself? And I realised, it is my self-worth, my identity in Christ..
I finally understood that I am a very sensitive person.. If one comes and put me down, saying things that go against me, I can be very affected.. And God knows it..
I reckon that all these things happened for a reason.. Well, after what the three of my beloved ones and a church mate encouraged me, I know that I know.. I have a dream and a purpose in my life.. I should not allow anyone or anything to come distract me and pull me away from fulfilling my dreams..

And I give praises to God for making me so strong and to be able to stand up again and again.. What I want is to see is those broken people looking up to me saying, "I want to be like Shavonne, to be even stronger than her.. I want to believe God is there, and He can take away all my pains, just like how He healed Shavonne.."

[[Psalm 73:21-26]]

Thus my heart was grieved,
And I was vexed in my mind.
I was so foolish and ignorant;
I was like a beast before You.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You hold me by my right hand.
You will guide me with Your counsel,
And afterward receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none upon earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail:
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Love,
Shavonne. (:

February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007