Draw strength from Me, alone.

It's You who make me stronger
I need You more than ever
You're the reason why I'm singing for You
It's You who create the wonders
In all my days of struggles
It's Your love that surrounds my whole world

I could not take it any longer, my heart cried out to Him once more. This time He rebuked me by saying, "Why are you drawing strength from man? Draw strength from Me, alone."
Then the Holy Spirit gave a vision of me being a light bulb, man being the generators and God as the power supply, main source. There will times when the generators will break down and fail to produce energy, yet the main power supply never fails. He made me realised that I have depended on man too much that when they failed me, I would be affected.
It is not wrong to receive support and strength from people around you, from the people of God. However, I went overboard that when I do not get what I want, my emotions would then take control of me. And it was this time that I finally understand how weak we humans are and how awesome He is.

Have you ever heard people saying, "I'm sick of you, I'm sick of your attitude, I'm sick of you repeating the same mistake. I give up on you."? It is quite depressing if someone close to you, say those words to you. Well, now I know how strong He is. Remember what I wrote in my previous entry about Him saying that He would never give up on me. At that moment after He spoke to me, my eyes just opened and saw a wonderful truth.
Man can never be strong as Him, man can never be as patience, compassionate and forgiving compared to Him. Thus, I made a conviction that when man fails me, I should not be upset but turn to Him, cast all my emotions on Him because He never fails me.

My greatest desire is to really love people with a heart exactly like Jesus. So pure, so simple.
____________________________________

What would you say to me, if we have never met before.

Personally, I know that I am a emotional person and I enjoy talking about love, watching about love and listening about love.
So do not bother to tell me not to watch love stories, listening to love songs or even think about love. Everyone is different and we do have our own likings, attitudes and beliefs.
I really do want to go through a romantic courtship like one of those Korean dramas. It may sound very "drama", naive to you people. Yet to me, it takes two really strong hearts and love for each other to go all the painful obstacles. And through them, both hearts will grow closer and know they really need eah other.
I do not just want to get into a relationship so simply by having interest in each other, then get closer and maybe marrying in the end. Everything seems so smooth sailing.
No, thats just not me. Sorry. I want something more.
And I told a lot of people before, I need someone who can love me and also my imperfections.
_____________________________________________________

[[I'll take the tears]]
A1




How is it now that I can tell you I love you?
How is it only now that it's too late?
What can I do, the love that we had is torn in two?
so you'll take the .smiles from all of our years,
I'll take the tears

When I can I tell you tha, I love you?

Will you tell me, I'm beautiful?

Today post will be a little different. I will touch more on the emotions that are running through me these few days and my thoughts. Quite random.

Although I am only 17 this years, I believe that I think and feel like an adult. I am not trying to convince anyone or even myself here that I am very mature already but I am on my way to it. Thus I hate it when people treat me like a 13 year old gal who is still lost in her own world. Well, the truth is, I have seen the world -the beautiful and disgusting side of it.

I do not know why, people only tend to see the surface of me. They have not yet seen the inner me or they just do not want to. The reason is, they may not want to accept the real me. Yet, I thank God for others who are much closer to me, they chose to love me for me. And I know He loves me the most despite all the ugliness in me.

I am imperfect, and so is everyone. We have to learn to accept each other's flaws and forgive all the wrongdoings. To me, the greatest love anyone could show or give is to love another's imperfections. Thus, I am praying for someone who can love me for me.

I miss that feeling.
I miss that feeling of, "You smiled at me."
I miss that feeling of, "I can't take my eyes off you."
I miss that feeling of, "My hearts skips a bit when I see you."
I miss that feeling of, "Security you gave when you encouraged me."
I miss that feeling of, "Whenever you stand next to me, I wish you'll never leave."
I miss that feeling of, "You are all that I need."
I miss that feeling of, "I can't deny. I know I have fallen for you for the first time."

Why do I miss those feelings so much?

Personally I believe, the most romantic thing a guy can do for me is to show or tell me that he really appreciates me for everything I have done. I would really love if a guy can ever sing a love song to me or play some music to show how much he appreciates and loves me. I do not need a bouquet of 999 roses or any material stuffs. All I want is a balance of words of affirmation and actions. I am a easily-satisfied person, although sometimes I do ask for more. I do not need a lot of physical touch, all I want is that he is able to touch my heart.
One thing that I believe, when a guy tells a gal that she is beautiful, she really is beautiful to him.

I miss that last feeling of, "I am all that you want."
__________________________________________

[[What goes around. Comes around.]]
Justin Timberlake



Is this how you're gonna hurt me?

why am i the reason? why?

Till now, my past still haunts me like a shadow that never leave my side. Each time as I am reminded by my past, my emotions would tend to set in and I would feel so unworthy of Him again.
Yet through His mercy and grace, He never fails to take me back to the cross and shows me His compassion. He has paid the price through death and taken away all my sins and shames.
There and then, my heart would break and I would cry out, "Why? Why do You have to do this for me?" It is not that I do not want Him to die on my behalf, the reason is I know He loves me too much till I am afraid, afraid I would sin because of my weaknesses and break His heart.

Have you ever felt that you love someone so much that you become so fearful of losing him/her? That's how I feel towards Him at times. It is not that I am insecure in His love, its because I love Him too much that I cannot bear to lose Him. I do not know what my life would be without Him. Thus I always want to do my best, be the best in front of Him. However, due to my weaknesses, I failed again and again. Sometimes I fell so hard till I did not want to stand up and just wanted to remind there.
And then, He would come. Pick me up and restore my heart with love once more. I would then ask, "Are You not tired of doing the same thing over and over again?" Once, He replied me this, "If I have to do it a infinity times to let you know that I will never give up on you, I will."

How great is His compassion? No words can ever describe. Just go to Him with a pure and simple heart and He will show you how great great is His compassion.

[[Why?]]
Nichole Nordeman


__________________________________________

I could only look at your back and watch you walk away.

From sister and brother, we became lovers. From lovers, we became friends. And from friends, we became strangers. My An Li.

Do I miss him? Yes I do, a lot. Each time when I look at how loving they are, I would question myself, "Were we as loving in the past?"
I have let go of him, my heart no longer cries out for him but the memories still remain. There is still a pinch of sadness in me whenever I see him. I wanted so much to tell him, I miss him. Yet each time I would stop my pace, look at his back and just wish he would turn around and take a look at me.
Right now it seems that I have lost this friendship. Someone who once was my greatest cheerleader, bestest friend, pillar of strength, most understanding person and my teddy bear, is gone now.

When will we talk again? Just when?

Well, people. Even if you know who the guy is, please do not be mistaken. I have already someone else in mind. =)
__________________________________________

[[Crush]]
Mandy Moore



When will you be mine?

All for love, i crucify.

Like what Drew has always been reminding me, these are all testes and trials that I have to go through to grow up, learn and experience. The going is tough and agonizing but I know the ultimate result will be a splendid one.

Who say becoming more and more like Jesus is a easy thing? I beg to differ.
Seeing how compassionate Jesus is to all the people and being compassionate yourself to people is a totally two different thing. And that is the reason why I have been praying a lot for this area. It is not effortless for me to love people without being tempted for wanting them to love me back.
Look at how Jesus shows His unconditional love to the people, has He ever demand something in return? No. Is He always complaining when people do not appreciate His good deeds? No. Does He still continue to care and show His love? Yes. And that is my amazing Friend.
To really love someone, most of the times you have to crucify your flesh -emotions.

For instance, take my friend and me. She is more of the egoistic kind and she can really get on my nerves very, super easily. Well, before I am writing this post, I was actually very angry her. Yes, I was so keen to throw my tantrum at her, show my attitude and just make her know that I was mad with her. Yet, because she was having PMS herself too and I did not want anything to affect our friendship, I chose to crucify my emotions, let it go. It was tough.
Well, thank God I do have very supportive friends and I truly care for her a lot, I did it. I prayed for Jesus to let me look and understand her with the love of God, and help me to be more compassionate than to hold grudges. It is so easy to get angry but when I want to get happy again, it takes a triple effort.

I am someone who wants to be appreciated and need a balance in words of affirmation and serving from people. Well, I guess I have to change the "wants to be appreciated" part but it will not kill just to tell me you appreciate me right?
So yea.. Jesus is slowly showing the keys to all my answers for my prayers. I just have to keep on searching and trusting Him. I know in the coming future, I will grow to become a more patience, compassionately, understanding and beautiful woman of God. A woman of character.

I may fall but I get up fast.
______________________________________

Is this what I am suppose to do because I am a gal?

I wonder how long I can go on. Not being able to see the future has robbed away half of my optimism to continue what I am doing right now. Everytime after I message, I would sigh. "Why?", I ask myself. How come I do not feel the joy of doing what I am doing right now?

How to get sense of security from people? Good question. I am seeking for an answer too.
Nothing except love is my greatest motivation to keep myself going. I just pray that if one day things do not turn out right, I will have enough strength to get up again. I know I will. At least I have great sisters and brothers who will not give up on me.

I am starting to spout profanity again which is a bad sign. I do not know, but lately I have been in my moods and mixing around with people who speak profanity like farting. I need to guard myself, I know. Well, it is quite funny when you listen to their "pronfanity conversation". I would always laugh. They are all my good guy friends thou. ____________________________________

[[爱我还是他]]
David Tao



Do you love her or me?
I rather you tell me the truth, than to cheat on me.

Father God, give me strength to carry on.

Easter 07 was a spectacular one. I love everything from the Praise & Worship to the Easter drama, sermon and even the alter call. Although I prefer last year Easter's drama production, this year's never fail to make me tear.

Last year was more about how we human sinned and betrayed Jesus, yet He was willing to die on the cross on our behalf. He had died and risen so that our sins could be cleansed away by His blood and we could be reconciled back to our Heavenly Father. On the other hand, this year's drama made me understand one thing -that Jesus indeed, came down to earth as flesh and blood.
During the part when the drama showed how devastated Jesus was after John's death, I heard the Holy Spirit telling me this, "you see Li Fang, Jesus is rich in emotions. He has suffered all kinds of emotions as you have. Thus He knows how you feel especially when you are heartbroken." I teared immediately after that.
I recalled how last time I used to question Jesus if He ever know how I feel when I was upset. Could He not see the tears that I was sheding and how broken I was? Now I know. He sees.

[[Easter o6]]


The funny parts. Haha.. I love my church drama productions.

[[Easter 07]]

Haha.. I just love my church.. Lucas is so cute!! ~

Father, I need Your Strength.
Holy Spirit, I need Your wisdom.
Jesus, I need Your compassion.
_________________________________________________

If this is how my life will be.

Things do not stop here now that it is after Easter. Benny Hinn service is coming right up and my school starts on 18 April. If I say I am not worried, trust me, I am lying.
I am not excited for Poly, I seriously am not. It is not the studies I am worried about, it is the people I will be meeting, how my life will be like when I am in Poly. Oh Father, help me...

However, I am very appreciative for the people who are always there to make my day. I realised that actually I do have a lot of friends, brothers and sisters who care and love me. Not forgetting my parents too. Oh yea, they went for Easter service. Am I ecstatic? Oh you bet I am. It has always been my desire to see my parents coming to church together with me.
I rememeber last year at Jakarta, I was at my relatives' church with my parents. I started to tear when I saw both my parents lifted up their hands to worhsip. God is indeed faithful.

Tell you guys a honest truth -I am actually very pampered especially in my family. Thank God I am not that spoiled but yea, my dad dotes me the most. Then comes my mum and Indra. Next will be all the people I know. Well, I am a gal after all.

I believe that I am very different from a lot of gals. What they have, I might not have. What I have, they might not have. I love the way I am and I need people to love me for me. I can change for the better, but I am still me. My nature never change.

I am not naive, but I do want a romantic and thrilling courtship before getting married. =D
___________________________________________________

[[Unlove you]]
Ashley Tisdale



Its so peculiar how the way I fell for you.
I can't unlove you now. I just can't.

Let me hear Your voice.

"Don't draw away from me. Li Fang, don't draw away from me."

"I am not here to condemn you."

"You are my chosen child. I chose you to be born in this world."

"I know your biggest weaknesses, fears and shames. All the sins you have in the past, present and future."

"Yet, I still chose you to be my child."

"I know you've sinned against me. But don't draw away from me."

"Come and let me cleanse you."

"I love you, Li Fang. I love you."

"I've proven Myself real and faithful to you. Shown you my unconditional love so many times. Have you forgotten them all?"

"Why are you doubting me?"

"Every time when you fall, I am always there to pick you up. Do you think this time I will leave you there fallen? Do you think I do not have the power to lift you up?"

"Don't draw away from me."

"Look at the cross. All your sins are paid on the cross. I've died on your behalf."

"No matter how big is your sin, your shame, how deep is your pain. I bore them all on your behalf."

"you have no reason not to be accepted."

"I love you, Li Fang. I chose you."

As He whispered into my ear, I started to tear.
It was yet the best prayer meeting I have attended for this year. Pastor really helped to pull down the presence of God and this time he taught us a way we could actually hear His voice. And I heard, ever so clearly.

I love Easter. It is the season when broken hearts, broken lives are brought back to Jesus and let His love restore them all. For that one Man act, we are all able to be reconciled back to our Heavenly Father, to loved by Him. And all our sins are forgiven.

If Jesus never die on the cross on my behalf, I would never call Him, My Daddy.
_____________________________________

Friends like you, will never be forgotten.

[[Mitchell]]
Mitchell † Give me Strength, Oh wonderful Lord Almight:
did something hapen?

Mitchell † Give me Strength, Oh wonderful Lord Almight:
u seem so down

Mitchell † Give me Strength, Oh wonderful Lord Almight:
got problem muz tell me leh

Mitchell † Give me Strength, Oh wonderful Lord Almight:
will surely be there for u wan

Mitchell † Give me Strength, Oh wonderful Lord Almight:
just to listen to u lah

[[Drew]]
SoT in 2010-2012? God sometimes do answer your prayers selectively:
sorry if I don't chat much today. my brain's not working.. tired.

SoT in 2010-2012? God sometimes do answer your prayers selectively:
but i think I wanna tell you something. whenever you're troubled, always make a point to find answers by reading the bible. even if you don't get answers, most probably you'll get excited cause there are so many promises in it.

SoT in 2010-2012? God sometimes do answer your prayers selectively:
hope I made sense to you.

It is great that during your tough times, there are actually friends that are concern about you and is willing to be there for you. Not forgotten Tian En, Casper, Ck and Jean. Thanks guys. (:

From this week onwards till end of emerge, my schedule are totally packed. After Benny Hinn, there will be POS traing plus school almost every single day. Am I tired? Yes, very.
When I see other people complaining about how tired they are and then look at what they are doing and how they plan their daily life, I feel weird. No sufficient sleep will sure lead to fatigue.
Joalin taught me not to focus on my tiredness whereas look at Pastor Kong, all the pastors and even Sun. They are more tired than all of us, they need more rest than most of us. And even if they complain, they only do it to God. Thus for us, lets not complain but rejoice.
_____________________________________

[[好眼淚壞眼淚]]
徐若瑄


For you:
I need a balance in your words & actions.

February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007