For God is so faithful, He is so faithful to me.

I remembered I prayed my first prayer for my parents salvation at the age of 6. Well, finally after 11 years of waiting upon God, trusting Him and His word. Finally, my prayers are answered.

Share with you guys a little about my personal life.
I do not come from a very well off family. What's more? The relationships in my family were built on unbelief, resentment and wounded souls. For 9 years of my life since I was 6, I never trusted my parents in everything they did for me. The reason is, I always feel that they were not doing enough for me. They were not showering enough love on me. As a result, I became a very rebellious, pessimistic and doleful person. I learnt not to appreciate people.
As the years went by, people who I know, who I actually loved a lot, were hurt by me. That includes my parents. Hence, for that 9 whole years, I lived my life every single day, telling myself "My parents do not love me enough, people are not showing concern to me enough, they are always not there when I need them."Nevertheless, I did continue to pray for their salvation.
To me, my childhood seemed to be a broken one, no much laughter but filled with disappointments and pains. However, while all these were happening, Jesus was always in the mist of my darkness. He slowly opened Himself to me through the years, through the different events. And finally, God said "Enough is enough, I am stepping into her life." My greatest breakthrough, memorial stone was how Jesus stepped into my dark life as the light, brought me hopes and filled the emptiness in my heart.
I'm telling you, starting was not easy as I was constantly being attacked spiritually and at my self-esteem. I was continuously reminded of my past that up till now still haunts me, but I am still praying and trusting Him that everything will turn out to be good.
There was no change or should I say, became worst in the relationships with my parents initially. God is good and He remembers His promises. Through this one whole year, millions of things have changed. From a introvert, I became a extrovert. From someone who hated to speak up, I became valiant. And I am a much more frivolous woman now. Beside all these, my parents have finally opened their hearts to God and also to me.
One thing that I am very proud of myself is that, I never give up. Be it my spiritual life, my worldly life, my relationships with people or with my parents. Although there were tough times, I chose to stand still and not waver. Why? Because I know my Daddy is bigger than everything in this world.

So once again, He proved Himself real to me. That as long as I have faith and I speak of what I want, He will give. God loves me? No. He not only loves me, He loves you too. (:

I am not yet perfect, but through His grace, I'm working to perfection.
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you my solely angel

My Daddy loves me a lot. He loves me so much so that He is willing to give me everything that I desire. And there is one thing that He gave me, no one can take away from my life. And he is my angel...

Have you heard the song, "My solely angel" by Tank? That song fits perfectly for my sincere love for angel. Beside being my angel, he is my lover, my brother and my best friend. I thank God for creating him as my blood cousin, if not I may never meet someone like him.
Both of us have been busy with our lives lately that we hardly contact each other. Everyday, we could only talk on the phone for less than 3 minutes and that, is enough to make my day.
I miss him, I miss his stupidity which can always make me laugh like crazy. I miss him saying the powerful phrase that never fail to melt my heart, "Kor kor sayan Dede!"

He is my ideal boyfriend if you guys do not know. He fits all the categories for my "perfect" boyfriend. Too bad, he is my cousin so we can't be together. Nevertheless, I told him he would be my "boyfriend" till I find my God-given one. =D

I miss Indrawan.
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[[Way Back Into Love]]



All I want to do is find a way back into love.

Faith is simply trusting God's character when the world has given you a reason, not to.

Never have I encoutered this kind of spiritual warfare before when it was so intense till I nearly broke down. Yes, I nearly did.
Everything in my life, seemed to happen in such a fast pace that I almost lost control of it. Well, it was not like something bad happened in my family, but the consequences were the same. You know something is lost, gone forever.
Right now, although I am still running on the right track, I have to gurad my heart. Beside what has happened recently, I believe there are more to come. Heartbreaks, disappointments and rejections.

When will this end? A question I would ask when my life seem to become what I called, draggy.
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How much do I value to you?

Tell me, someone. What is wrong with me?
Is it me or the people around me have moved on? I hate it so much when the past keeps coming back to huant me. It hurts, thats the thing.

I have always been the one giving and giving. Sometimes, I want to take too.
How can I prove it when there are so many limitations, moreover, the receiver does not seem to care.
//
Something that makes me happy and smile -MY BOYFRIEND IS COMING IN 2 MONTHS TIME!! Hopefully before my birthday.
I know that after he is here, I will be a much happier person but with less freedom. ;(
The sad thing is, he will not be staying in my house, instead, my aunt's. And that means, I have to travel all the way to RedHill on alternate days to see him. How great?! Well, seeing his smile is enough to drain away all my phyiscal tiredness. =D
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[[Who do you love]]
The Moffats



So who is gonna be? Is it her or me?
Who do you love? Who do you need?
You're messing up my mind, wasting all my time.
Stop playing with my heart.
Its tearing me apart.

I hate it when you call her, "My girlfriend."

Where is God in the mist of darkness?


I do know how long she has been like that.
I just miss her so much. The gal who never says die, the gal who will always smile even when heartaches and disappointments drive her up the wall. The gal who always says, "Even if everyone turns against me, God will never." And the gal, who loves to remind herself that she is strong.
I miss Shavonne Tan Li Fang. I miss her smile.
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Will you still love someone like me?


There is just something about Sun, her voice, her music that caused me to ponder if God can ever be so real. God is real, He is a alive -no doubt.
God is so good to her, as we all know she is someone after God's own heart.

After Pastor played her new song during last week's prayer meeting, I'm hooked to that song.
Somehow, it just touched me. It also helped me to stay on track and continue to run the race.
Yes, my spirit is running dry, my flesh is getting weaker and my heart is suffering from more bruises.
Yet Sun's new song encouraged me to keep on running and not give up.
All I wonder now is, how long can I run, how high can I soar in this race.

Will you come and love someone like me?
Someone who is imperfect.
For love, I pressed on.
In my journey to pursue my dreams,
Misery filled me.
I am not willing to give up.

Take a look at me.
I do not let go.
When I was blinded,
I used my voice to sing my beautiful sorrows.
Take a look at me.
My heart screams for justice.
I will smile as I continue my life

There were times when I was trapped and lost,
Because of my dreams.
There were also times I experienced heartaches.
Till now, I am still who I am.
For me,
I would like to have a simple life at the end.
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[[Love me for me]]
Ashley Tisdale



I do not need help, solutions or jugdements.
All I need is a friend, a pair of listening ear.
I know what I am doing and what I should do.

All for love, He came...



How do you continue to love people when you are tired of loving? That's when I always turn to Jesus.



Peculiarly, I came to realise that I could feel tired of loving people. Well, not exactly everyone but a handful of them. People who I actually love and care so much so that I am willing to sacrifice whatever I have to, for them. Yet at the end, I do not want to do anything for them at all.

"Why? What is wrong?" I asked myself.

I was in this dilemma until God presented Jesus to me recently.. He showed me how Jesus continued to love the people of Israel even when they mocked and refused to recognise Him. I am convinced that Jesus was disappointed and discouraged because He lived as a human after all. He experienced the same emotions as us. However, the greatest thing is that Jesus still loves the people, up till now and forever.

Sometimes when I look at Jesus, I really admire Him so much. Not that I do not want to be like Him, I am afraid to be like Him. I am afraid of people, taking advantage of me. And I will start thinking of myself, again.



Loving people is not easy, seriously.. It takes a lot of courage and determination because it involves forgiveness. Forgiveness for people who have scolded you, let you down, mocked at you, rejected you and even pushed you. And that is one thing I always have to remind myself, forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a decision.

Beside that, God spoke to me about my selfishness. When people do not appreciate me for whatever good things I have done for them, I tend to draw back and feel bitter. I will start to imagine things like, "Oh, I don't think he/she cares about me. I've done and sacrificed so much for him/er, yet he/she has done nothing for me." And that really almost destroy my relationships with people.

One thing that I have learn is that, even if people do not see the good intentions I have, God sees and He recognises. And I believe, you sow what you reap.

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NO MORE PEACE!



Oh, guess what.. MY NEPHEWS ARE B.A.C.K!!!

Yes, they are back.. After about 8 months of not seeing them, I thought I would be so excited to welcome them yet I was wrong.. Well, of course I am happy to see them, but they have became SO mischievous especially the elder one.. Till now, he still could not pronounce "Gugu" correctly and goes, "Krukru".. Oh gosh, my Joshua... Haha.. And he actually kicked me in my ass when I carried Javier [his younger brother] up from the bed.. Then he gave me a big smile with his three front teeth missing [he looks so cute! >.<].. Haha..

I remember when he was much younger [he is three year-old now], we used to fight.. Yes, I mean literally fight.. When he hits me, I would hit him back [softly of course], when he takes my pen, I would snatch his toy soldier and both of us would go screaming till my father comes in and scold, me.. Yea, you can never escape that if you have a nephew like mine.. Everyone loves him, including me [BIG GRINS]..

So anyway, Joshua has grown more handsome like his father and Javier has grown so much cuter like his Gugu.. Ahhhh.. I love Javier, he is so cute, like me!






The two sweety pies in my life. (:











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出口
[[飛輪海]]



I heard you saying, "I love you." Yet there is still a sense of lonliness in me.

谁能告诉我哪里有出口
能让我逃出这个　
我快沉没的漩涡

February 2007
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