Thats what i long for.
For God is so faithful, He is so faithful to me.I remembered I prayed my first prayer for my parents salvation at the age of 6. Well, finally after 11 years of waiting upon God, trusting Him and His word. Finally, my prayers are answered.
Share with you guys a little about my personal life.
I do not come from a very well off family. What's more? The relationships in my family were built on unbelief, resentment and wounded souls. For 9 years of my life since I was 6, I never trusted my parents in everything they did for me. The reason is, I always feel that they were not doing enough for me. They were not showering enough love on me. As a result, I became a very rebellious, pessimistic and doleful person. I learnt not to appreciate people.
As the years went by, people who I know, who I actually loved a lot, were hurt by me. That includes my parents. Hence, for that 9 whole years, I lived my life every single day, telling myself "My parents do not love me enough, people are not showing concern to me enough, they are always not there when I need them."Nevertheless, I did continue to pray for their salvation.
To me, my childhood seemed to be a broken one, no much laughter but filled with disappointments and pains. However, while all these were happening, Jesus was always in the mist of my darkness. He slowly opened Himself to me through the years, through the different events. And finally, God said "Enough is enough, I am stepping into her life." My greatest breakthrough, memorial stone was how Jesus stepped into my dark life as the light, brought me hopes and filled the emptiness in my heart.
I'm telling you, starting was not easy as I was constantly being attacked spiritually and at my self-esteem. I was continuously reminded of my past that up till now still haunts me, but I am still praying and trusting Him that everything will turn out to be good.
There was no change or should I say, became worst in the relationships with my parents initially. God is good and He remembers His promises. Through this one whole year, millions of things have changed. From a introvert, I became a extrovert. From someone who hated to speak up, I became valiant. And I am a much more frivolous woman now. Beside all these, my parents have finally opened their hearts to God and also to me.
One thing that I am very proud of myself is that, I never give up. Be it my spiritual life, my worldly life, my relationships with people or with my parents. Although there were tough times, I chose to stand still and not waver. Why? Because I know my Daddy is bigger than everything in this world.
So once again, He proved Himself real to me. That as long as I have faith and I speak of what I want, He will give. God loves me? No. He not only loves me, He loves you too. (:I am not yet perfect, but through His grace, I'm working to perfection._________________________________________
you my solely angelMy Daddy loves me a lot. He loves me so much so that He is willing to give me everything that I desire. And there is one thing that He gave me, no one can take away from my life. And he is my angel...
Have you heard the song, "My solely angel" by Tank? That song fits perfectly for my sincere love for angel. Beside being my angel, he is my lover, my brother and my best friend. I thank God for creating him as my blood cousin, if not I may never meet someone like him.
Both of us have been busy with our lives lately that we hardly contact each other. Everyday, we could only talk on the phone for less than 3 minutes and that, is enough to make my day.
I miss him, I miss his stupidity which can always make me laugh like crazy. I miss him saying the powerful phrase that never fail to melt my heart, "Kor kor sayan Dede!"
He is my ideal boyfriend if you guys do not know. He fits all the categories for my "perfect" boyfriend. Too bad, he is my cousin so we can't be together. Nevertheless, I told him he would be my "boyfriend" till I find my God-given one. =D
I miss Indrawan.__________________________________________
[[Way Back Into Love]]All I want to do is find a way back into love.With love,
Shavonne. (:
