Thats what i long for.
All for love, i crucify.Like what Drew has always been reminding me, these are all testes and trials that I have to go through to grow up, learn and experience. The going is tough and agonizing but I know the ultimate result will be a splendid one.
Who say becoming more and more like Jesus is a easy thing? I beg to differ.
Seeing how compassionate Jesus is to all the people and being compassionate yourself to people is a totally two different thing. And that is the reason why I have been praying a lot for this area. It is not effortless for me to love people without being tempted for wanting them to love me back.
Look at how Jesus shows His unconditional love to the people, has He ever demand something in return? No. Is He always complaining when people do not appreciate His good deeds? No. Does He still continue to care and show His love? Yes. And that is my amazing Friend.
To really love someone, most of the times you have to crucify your flesh -emotions.
For instance, take my friend and me. She is more of the egoistic kind and she can really get on my nerves very, super easily. Well, before I am writing this post, I was actually very angry her. Yes, I was so keen to throw my tantrum at her, show my attitude and just make her know that I was mad with her. Yet, because she was having PMS herself too and I did not want anything to affect our friendship, I chose to crucify my emotions, let it go. It was tough.
Well, thank God I do have very supportive friends and I truly care for her a lot, I did it. I prayed for Jesus to let me look and understand her with the love of God, and help me to be more compassionate than to hold grudges. It is so easy to get angry but when I want to get happy again, it takes a triple effort.
I am someone who wants to be appreciated and need a balance in words of affirmation and serving from people. Well, I guess I have to change the "wants to be appreciated" part but it will not kill just to tell me you appreciate me right?
So yea.. Jesus is slowly showing the keys to all my answers for my prayers. I just have to keep on searching and trusting Him. I know in the coming future, I will grow to become a more patience, compassionately, understanding and beautiful woman of God. A woman of character.
I may fall but I get up fast.
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Is this what I am suppose to do because I am a gal?I wonder how long I can go on. Not being able to see the future has robbed away half of my optimism to continue what I am doing right now. Everytime after I message, I would sigh. "Why?", I ask myself. How come I do not feel the joy of doing what I am doing right now?
How to get sense of security from people? Good question. I am seeking for an answer too.
Nothing except love is my greatest motivation to keep myself going. I just pray that if one day things do not turn out right, I will have enough strength to get up again. I know I will. At least I have great sisters and brothers who will not give up on me.
I am starting to spout profanity again which is a bad sign. I do not know, but lately I have been in my moods and mixing around with people who speak profanity like farting. I need to guard myself, I know. Well, it is quite funny when you listen to their "pronfanity conversation". I would always laugh. They are all my good guy friends thou. ____________________________________
[[爱我还是他]]
David TaoDo you love her or me?
I rather you tell me the truth, than to cheat on me.With love,
Shavonne. (:
