Finally, I took the first step of faith. Yes, it almost killed me when I went against my flesh and trust in the Lord that He would deliver me. It is not that I never experience this before; I just hate this feeling big time. I am tired of all these disillusions and limitations. I want to break free; I want to do what I always desire in the spirit. All these while, I felt so limited and my conscience kept testing me. I could not keep up on His pace and lagged so behind. It is time to speed up.
I have a dream, a big one that seems absolutely impossible to many people and sometimes, to me. Whenever I look at what I have in my hand and then at the dream, yes I would doubt and question Him. However, I know it is His visions for me. In the past, I only wanted to be a worship leader in my church who serves and lead the choir every week. Right now, I want something more, more than just being a worship leader, more than just serving in church every week. I do not want to lead a “routine” kind of life. After poly or getting a degree, serve in church every week, get myself a soul mate, work then have babies and wait for Jesus to come back. No, I cannot see myself leading this kinda “boring Christian” life. I want something much more extraordinary, much more desirable than becoming wealthy, much more satisfaction than only getting what I want.
I want to be a worship leader cum a missionary. I want to touch lives with the love of Jesus, to share and equip people with my life experiences and to comfort those broken hearted. I really want to go into Indonesia and bring a revival in that country. I do not know why, I have a greater passion for that country.
To fulfill this dream, I have to lay down my life, to place all my desires unto alter and to only seek Him first. It is definitely not going to be easy, but for love, I will do it. I have already taken the first step; I will continue and fight on. I am much stronger on the inside than you think I am on the outside. I am someone who never gives up. Even if I fall, I stand up fast.
“I want to share an intimate relationship with you more than anyone else in this world.” said the Lord to Shavonne. _____________________________________________
I will miss you.
Hey baby, Is she everything you wanted in a woman? You know I gave you the world You had me in the palm of your hand So why your love went away I just can't seem to understand Thought it was me and you, baby Me and you until the end But I guess I was wrong
Don't wanna think about it Don't wanna talk about it I'm just so sick about it I can't believe it's ending this way Just so confused about it Feeling the blues about it I just can't do without you Tell me is this fair
Is the way it's really going down? Is this how we say goodbye? Should’ve known better when you came around That you were gonna make me cry It's breaking my heart to watch you run around Because I know that you're living a lie But that's ok baby, cause in time you will find
What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way, back around What goes around, goes around, goes around, comes all the way, back around
Oh one thing. Shavonne can't wait till she turns 21. Haha.. ________________________________________________
[[Letting go]] Brooke Hogan
Look at what you put me through Anything I would have done for you But it's not how it used to be When you and I were hooked on each others dreams Got stuck in reality and You couldn't make everything feel alright When I gave you the best of me I never thought you'd give me a reason To tell you I'm leaving I ran out of patience when you started changing And there's no tears left to cry Kept on hoping we could find a way to make it real And tell myself that it's getting better when it never will And I would never want for you to be alone Its so hard to tell you so But I'm letting go.
