Numbness. Lord, I never expect all these things to happen in one short time. How am I going to handle them? Am I bearing all these alone, Lord? I am confused and lost. The anguish I am suffering from, is not ceasing yet increasing. When will it come to an end? Lord, I can't take it anymore. It is like I am standing right next to the word "fall", any moment I may just break down.
Seriously, I am not at all prepared. I do not want to face what is coming -the pain of letting go. I just got myself out of that pit once and now, I am walking straight right into the next one, a deeper one. I do not want to see myself crying every single day, waking up every morning thinking "why the hell am I in this state?" and missing anybody till I can go insane. I hate it, Lord. I freaking hate it.
Will You once again, calm the raging seas that are crushing over me? _________________________________
I want to stay by your side. Forever if I may.
The thought of him, just breaks me. I wish I can remove all his agony and anger and place it upon myself. At least, I am able to see him smiling at me. What am I suppose to do now? I really want o fly back to Jakarta right now and be by his side.
I am not ashamed to say. All I want for my birthday this year is nothing but just a air ticket that can take me back to Jakarta. If you may, just give me cash. I need it more than anything else. I am sorry, but it seems I am really desperate to fly back to stay by his side.
I love you, my broken angel. ___________________________________
