Thats what i long for.
Love is crazyAhhhh!!!! This is crazy lah can.. My gosh!! I need help!!I do not want any confessions! I do not want to know their feelings towards me, i do not want to hear them saying, they will always be there for me!! Oh my goodness!! NOOO!!!3 in a day confessed their love for me and 1 confessed last week. Ahhh... Like what the heck right???!!! I am not a flirt lah can.. I just get along with guys well. But the thing is, I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!!!!Haiz.. Of all the guys, why him... Why?________________________________________Praise You in the storm.Who am i? What have i done? Do i deserve all these? Just why?Questions like these have been popping up in my mind lately. Questions which i have no clues about but only He has the answers. Am i doubting? Am i losing my faith? i guess not.
It is only through all these tough times when i know that He truly loves me and i need Him more than anything else. Sometimes it is just hard to believe that there is actually a Person who loves me too much till He is willing to do the will of His Father and died on the cross for me.
A Friend who will never turn His back against me even when i do and walk away from Him. A Friend who is faithful, loyal to wait for me to turn around and welcome me back to His embrace with open arms. A Father who will never say, "you've turned your back against Me and went on your way. Now that you want to come back to me, with your heart broken and a wounded body. I tell you, Leave! For I am angry and do not know you!"
Isn't it hard to believe? Yet that's the message i want to bring across to everyone and anyone who has a wounded heart or lost hopes in their lives.
Even for myself, i have to constantly remind myself that i am His beloved, His blood shed on the cross has washed me clean and i am no more in condemnation. It is easy to fall into the devil's trap when your faith in God is not strong enough and difficult to fall out of God's embrace when you are fully secured about His love.
i do not like to think that my Father is a angry God who always looks at people's flaws because i really have tasted His sweetness, gentle love. He only looks at our strong points and strengthen our weak points. "He is soft on people but hard on their problems", is what i always tell myself.
No matter what, i have to grow in my faith. Things are going well for me as the siritual warfare has raised to another level, but i will not surrender. Even if i fall during the war, i will pick myself up and continue to fight.
To people, it may seems to be a challenge, a test. Yes, indeed it is. Yet to me, it is divine chance to get love God more, to get closer to Jesus and to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Always be positive, for Jesus is not negative. =)
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Many people said Shavonne is cute and she agrees too.ok.. i think i need to have more sense of humor. i can easily laugh at people's jokes but it seems 65% to impossible for me to make people laugh. oh gosh, this is no good. Haha..
Ah... you know what, i am very deprived of "gal's touch". Yea, and i mean "gal's touch". Haha.. i miss all my gals lah.. i miss those those bitching and shopping sessions with them. Not boasting but i usually hang out more with guys in school and outside till when i see a group of gals chatting and laughing together, i feel like going up to them and ask, "What are you gals talking about? Can i join in too?" Haha..
i am not a les and i am straight, LAH!! i love guys who are tall and strong built. Who has a great sense of humor and very good self image. ok, and i can not stand guys who do not how to take care of their breath. omg! EAT A MENTORS PLEASE or spray some mouth freshening!! And that i need a guy who can lead me, not me leading him. Ah......... Well... Nevermind.. Hehe.. I need gals now more than guys.. HAHA!!!!
To you:
sorry. But i have to leave.______________________________________________________
Praise You in the storm.
Casting crowns
i need You, Lord.
With love,
Shavonne. (:
