Thats what i long for.
[Edited]Will Y/you take me as i am, imperfect?am i so difficult to understand? So impossible to love? Why do i have to get hurt by people who meant a lot to me, again and again? i am not depending on people for just love and comfort words which will only satisfy my soul temporally. What i really yearn for is the spiritual things that can fill my spirit. i want to see and experience more of His goodness, His unconditional love and His faithfulness. Do you not understand? why is it so difficult for them to see what is in my heart, my real intentions that i really mean well? Why do i see those who have been running this race with me all these while, now running in a different direction from me? why do i still feel lonely when i know i am not alone. How discouraged i am, who knows but only Him.Lord, i am not perfect and neither i am strong. My world seems to be in a mess now, Oh Lord, my Refuge, what should i do? People who You once placed in my life, are leaving. Lord, i may not understand all Your works, what You are currently doing in my life. Yet i choose to trust in Your goodness, that Your purpose is good for me. Others may not understand, may not see, but i know You do and You know my every thoughts and feelings. i will continue to praise You even it seems impossible, -i will lift my hands and praise You. Even if i fall, i know You be there to pick me up. Oh, thank You, Jesus.. __________________________________________Will i be able to stand up strong?I cannot recall when, but it has been a long time since i cried in a bus, -this time on the way to school. How many of you know that truth hurts? Yea, and it really has damaged my soul again, this round. i have never doubted, never, that the love i have shown cannot be seen or felt. i thought i have done my very best to love, to care and to sacrifice, yet at the end it all claimed to be just my own illusions. And that i cannot be compared. When the truth hit me like a thunder bolt, my heart literally stopped beating for a moment. It hurts so much that i felt i was brought back to the past, almost two years ago, on that fateful day when exactly the same thing happened. That feeling was so familiar, that feeling of not being appreciated, that feeling of being fooled, that feeling of, "it will never be the same again". For the rest of the day before i stepped into my house in the evening, friends were around me to console me. Thank you Choon and Aaron, i will seek your advices. In their presences, i could not give myself a chance to be weak and i laughed and smiled together with them. Yet when i reached home, when i was all alone in my room, i could not take it anymore. This time truly, i haven fallen and i am all alone. i need the right people in my life to help me. i need the strength from God. i need to be myself again.It seems that i really am gonna go through all these alone. But one thing for sure, i will emerge stronger. i need someone who is stronger than i am, who is more spiritual than i am, to lead me, to bring me closer to God. Are you up to it? Stop giving people the wrong impression about the both of us. It irritates me a lot and i do not want you to get hurt in the end.
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With love,
Shavonne. (:
