Thats what i long for.
Edited.Kneeling at Your throne again.Once again, I went on my knee and cried out to Him. It has been quite some time since I sobbed so hard, full of agony inside me. He was there in my room, I felt Him. All He did was to lend me His shoulder to cry on.I did not understand about everything that is happening in my life right now. And the truth is, I have never love my life.To most people, I am being regard as a cheerful, bubbly and mellow kind of person. Well, to a certain extend, I am. Yet, it is not until few days ago, when I finally realised. I have never love my life.At times when I look at some people, I would ponder and ask, "They have everything they need and want. I know they are happy with their life. How can I be like them?" I know He had heard my cried and prayer the other night. And during service today, He spoke to me. "Start looking at the things and the people around you. What you have and not what you are lack of. Circumstances may seem impossible for you to move on or cause you to feel alone, but look. There are still people around who love you and are willing to stand by you. Most importantly, you have Me. I am your everything that you need. If you start appreciating and treasuring the people around you, believe all things happen for good, you will love your life and find joy in it." Right after that, I saw a vision of myself, standing alone, surrounded by a lot of people, people who play a part in my life. And they are all smiling at me. The most beautiful thing is, when I saw Him, He smiled and opened His arm. I knew what He wanted and I ran to His arms.Indeed He is faithful and has been blessing me with a lot of blessings throughout these few years. Yet I have never noticed. People like my family, my leader, my cousin, my very good brother, my other brothers and sisters, my friends and my lover, He has blessed me. And I know they love me. Thus from now onwards, I want to love my life. I want to cherish everything and everyone that I have and give thanks to Him, every single day of my life. I want to stop being pessimistic and start to enjoy and be happy with my life. Will then I find adventure in my life again.He is my freedom and He is the reason why I chose to press on.______________________________________________________I want to tell you, I love you.Has been listening to a Chinese song sent to me by a sister few days ago. I do not understand why, but it seems the song is so appealing to me. I heard it was composed by a JC girl who had been cheated by her boyfriend. They had been in relationship for many years until one day her boyfriend decided to leave her. She wrote the song before she committed suicide. Well, I do not know if it is true but the thing that hits me real hard is, "Was she really brave enough to die without her love or just fear to face her life without her love?"
I know I am not brave enough to die without my love. I will be devastated, but not to a extend that I will end my life, regardless of how much I love him. However, situations like donating organs or even to end my life just to save my love, I will. Jesus did the same for all of us, didn't He?
Some people are just so selfish and naive especially when they fall out of love. They committed suicide thinking that if they are gone, their lover or themselves will be happier. Yet personally, I feel that they just want their lover to always remember them, to live in guilt and agony. Is that really call love? I don't think so. If you love a person, you should protect his or her heart. As long as he or she is happy with their life, you should be happy too.
Love is about sacrificing, but for the right motives.__________________________________________________
[[Don't want you back]]
Backstreet boys
No, I do not want you back.
I feel so sick when I see you with your so called girl friends.
How you tell her that you will show her, what love really is.
You called me over-sensitive.
But I hate to see you giving most of your attention to them, excluding me.Sacrifices I have made, you never appreciate.All you say, I am not good enough for you.Now I am walking away.I know you will not hold me back. All I can say, I will never call you mine again.You were my Romeo, but I was never your Juliet.With love,
Shavonne. (:
